today is my father's 85th birthday. or was. he died in mid-may. the last birthday he was aware of was a sad one. it was his first birthday without his wife. mom had died about 9 months earlier. we did what we could to take his mind off of it, but to little avail, which was understandable.
june used to be a happy and busy month in my family, what with father's day, his birthday and their anniversary. it also was a time when we kids were broke, trying to keep up with the presents and cards. funny what you remember.
i wasn't close to my father when i was young, more focused on my mother. i didn't feel loved by him, actually didn't feel he loved his kids. that all changed when my sister died, when i was 21. my father was a broken man at the funeral. oddly, that's when it struck me - and i had this very thought: if he's crying so much for heidi, he must love us. i remember being overwhelmed with love, as well as some guilt for having doubted it. funny what you remember.
i also have happy memories, but it's just a sad time right now. happy birthday, Dad.