so many things i didn't think. since my dad had been the victim of an overwhelming stroke for almost 3.5 yrs, i thought i'd feel relief for him when he passed. i did - but i did not expect the level of sadness i myself feel. i figured i'd gotten used to him being gone. i think more likely, i harbored some hope he'd 'wake up' and be himself again.
i didn't expect this whole feeling-like-an-orphan thing. mom's been gone 4.5 years - but seriously, how can one be an orphan at 55?! yet i'm told it's a very common feeling. i figured i'd feel relief that they were, to me, reunited now - and i do - but i feel left behind. and not very compassionate for myself.
i know now i'll remain part of a family with one brother, yet not with another. and i don't know abt the two of them remaining close at all. in most families, the parents are the unifying forces. and the parents are gone.
i feel in 100 pieces all over the place.