it's been a long and tiring week. i went up to NY for the funeral, a crazy 36 hours. it was a nice funeral, very different from my mother's. the difference? my drama queen s/in/law was not there - so it was calmer, more appropriately subdued, and more emotionally connecting. i didn't realize the type of energy she brought and how disruptive it was until she was absent. this was the first experience i had with her siblings that was pleasant - because no one had to spend time either avoiding or reacting to her.
i stayed at my brother's, and had a chance to enjoy his family, including a wonderful niece.
my father's funeral was nice - with dignity, respect and love. the rabbi was great and i think my father would have been pleased. it was what it should have been, a tribute to him. i'd almost not flown up, afraid it would be like the horror show that was my mother's funeral.
i had the opportunity to see my mother's grave marker, which i hadn't yet seen. it will be for both mom and dad. it has a saying in latin over the top of the marker - "love conquers all", and that is a fitting tribute to the two of them. they had a great many challenges to face. i think my father chose the saying, although it could have been the two of them.
and now, just now, reality is beginning to sink in. he's really dead, they're both really gone. it's not emotionally accurate, but at 55, i feel like an orphan.