i've been back to work. slowly, not really for full days, a step slower. even thinking slower. you know what this feels like? not only the death of my father, but the death of my parents. maybe because dad was the last parent to die. but i know that significant deaths bring up all kinds of stuff from earlier significant deaths. i feel my mother's life/death evolving around me. she died in september of 2007, almost 5 years ago. it feels more like now the two of them have gone. i don't know why, and i don't have to know.
it's absurd, at age 55, to feel 'orphaned' - but that's what i feel.