Monday, May 7, 2012

The Slow Goodbye

My father is slowly moving forward in his leave-taking.  He's far more somnolent than he has been, less responsive to external stimuli, erratically eating and drinking ( if at all).  He has an infection that is not responding to antibiotics, and the terms of his Living Will make more aggressive treatment off-limits.  He's been in a sort of suspended animation for over 3 years - but some new insult to his body happened recently and he's not bouncing back.

It's better this way.  He has minimal quality of life, takes enjoyment in nothing, does not respond directly to any talking, does not instigate goal-oriented behavior.  I believe (or I want to believe) he wants to be with my mother, who passed on a little less than 5 years ago.  He told me many times after her death that he was supposed to go first, bewildered at those times.

I love my father - and I want him to pass from this world to the next, because all that's here for him is a kind of hell on earth.

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